Splint is Out! (Day 33?)

So the nasty horrendous splint is finally out. I had my appointment on Monday (the day before my 4 week "anniversary") and like I said on my last post, my main surgeon was not there as he had a family emergency back in England. So, the hot resident was there to see me (does it sound like I minded? lol). Although I was a little concerned that he would say that we should wait for my regular doc to come back to make certain that's what he wanted. But, I know he had said he would take it out at the 4 week mark. So, hot resident just wanted to confirm with me if main doc said that he would take it out at this appt and I told him yes so he said that was good enough for him. Oh, and I asked about whether this was going to hurt (b/c I had read Meredith's post that the doc would have to numb her first so I was a tad nervous). They said it could hurt a little b/c the wires attaching it to my braces could hit against my gums possibly. So, I just prepared myself for that. Next, hot resident tells me that this splint it going to be totally nasty and smelly, etc. (Nice, way to impress him, huh? haha). So, I ask him "You're going to wear a mask, right?" To which he responds that he wasn't planning on it so he could get the full effect and really make fun of me and how gross it is (he is quite the funny guy). To which I told him "I don't think so!!". so, in the end, I won and he wore the mask. It was pretty gross, but I am sure they have seen worse. Oh, and it didn't hurt not even one tiny little bit. This may have been b/c he did a really good job taking it out. He explained to me that he could do it a lot faster (b/c it did take a little while), but he found it's much better overall to really take your time with it. So, that may have been why there was no pain involved, which of course, was a very good thing. :)

So, he did warn me that when he took it out that my teeth would be pretty out of whack. I knew this already as I had decided to go ahead with this surgery prior to my teeth being in the perfect position. (This was ok'd by my ortho as I had mentioned in previous posts. Apparently there are certain things that must be done before surgery, but others that can be worked on afterward). Well, even though I knew this, I couldn't believe how "out of whack" they were. See, the splint was made to account for this so it felt like my teeth came together great while the splint was in. It was sooo strange right after he took it out. I am pretty sure only two teeth in the back right side of my mouth were touching; nothing else at all. And I tried to talk to him and had this incredibly horrible lisp. It was quite embarrassing. He even said, yeah you are talking a little funny. But, he said I would get used to it and it would get better. Sure enough, after a few days it was much better. To this day though (almost a week later), I still have to try a little harder to talk right. But, I think it's really close to back to normal.

Now the eating was the most difficult part. Before this visit, I was technically allowed to have soft food, but I had tried it and it was just too difficult and too much of a mess with the darn splint in. So, I had pretty much given up on that and just took the easy way out and stuck with Ensure and soup. So, that is all I really had for four weeks (and probably why I lost 20 pounds!!! Best part of this whole process so far) :) But after he took the splint out, he told me once again that I could eat soft foods. Basically he told me he just wanted me to stay away from anything really difficult to chew, like a bagel or steak. So, after this appt, my mom and I headed to my grandfathers house to pay him a visit since I hadn't seen him for a while. He is 95 years old and such a sweetie. He told me he thought I was doing great and could just see a little swelling. Well, I decided my mom should take a pic of me and him, especially since I hadn't had one taken for a while. So, of course I am smiling in the one and my Mom keeps telling me stop smiling so big. But, I didn't feel like I was - I thought I was smiling normal. Well, I looked at the picture afterwards and got soooo upset. I thought I looked horrible. It was pretty embarrassing b/c I burst into tears right in front of my grandfather. :( And then I felt bad b/c I knew he felt so bad for me. He kept telling me "Well, I think you look beautiful, sweetie". (I told you, he is really too cute).

But, I finally pulled myself together and me and my Mom went to the mall for a full (as in till after 11:00 pm!) day of shopping. Things went pretty good and I really didn't even get tired until the very end of the day. I know people could tell about my surgery, but once I was at the mall and realized how much shopping I still needed to get done, I stopped worrying about my face. We went out to TGI Fridays later to eat and I shared a pasta meal with my Mom. She cut it up real tiny for me (which looking back now, actually may have made it more difficult since only two teeth were touching) and I only had a very very little bit, but it took me forever!! It was basically like my mouth had no clue how to eat anymore. :( I could feel my bottom jaw doing all sorts of crazy things like moving side to side and my tongue was no better. I don't really know how to explain it right but I felt like a baby trying to learn how to eat all over again. It was pretty bad. So, overall it wasn't a great day, but I did get almost all of my Christmas shopping done, so not a bad day either. :)

So, the next day, Tuesday, was supposed to be my final day at home. I think taking off four weeks from work was overall a very good decision, but there are certain things about being at home that are not good. I didn't do much, for example, other than sleep. And I would have nothing better to do than look at myself in the mirror and constantly think about my face and stress about how it looked. This led me to feeling very upset and depressed a few times. Well, I decided late that night after getting extremely upset that I did not want to go back to work on Wed. (I had planned on doing a half day) In fact, I didn't want to go back ever and I didn't want to leave my house ever again. I just didn't want anyone seeing me. Even though I knew from reading so many other blogs to expect some depression, maybe even severe depression, I really didn't think it would happen to me. Well, it did. I am glad that at least I knew this was a normal feeling and that it was to be expected. I mean, it is such a major surgery and just a major huge event that can take its toll. But that only comforted me so much and I overall just felt miserable. :(

My boyfriend tried to encourage me and make me feel better and I think it actually worked some. So after staying home again on Wednesday, I knew I had to go back on Thursday. I was really nervous and got almost no sleep (maybe 3 hrs tops) Wed night. And I knew everyone (there are close to 100 people at my work) would be coming over to my office on Thu so I figured I wouldn't get much done, which I was right. But, I don't know why I was so worried. I guess I thought people would think I looked really bad and not understand that it takes a long time to heal. But everyone was soooo nice. In fact, I felt so much better about myself after the day was over. Everyone was just so happy to have me back and to know that I was ok and most said they thought I looked really good. A lot of them said they noticed a little swelling but not much. And some said they could only notice something was different when I talked (which is understandable b/c I really can't feel my bottom lip and chin at all so I can't move it right). And so many people told me how skinny I looked. That was the best part!! So, honestly, in some ways I wish I would have gone back sooner. It was so nice to hear such nice things and it was even nicer to get my mind off of being depressed and back into work and other things. I do have to say I got really really tired but I think that was more b/c I only got 3 hrs of sleep. I have been picking up my calories a lot more with each day and would guess I was probably up to about 1,000 a day then and now (Sunday) up to 1,200 probably.

The eating is also getting a lot better. I think I still am chewing really funny, although better, and I find myself "eating" the inside of my lower lip a lot (that has been pretty annoying, even though it doesn't hurt since I can't feel it). But, I have eaten sooo many more things, especially this weekend (Oh, and I was one of the ones on the East Coast, I'm in Baltimore, completely snowed in from about a foot and a half of snow). I experimented with tv dinners (meatloaf and chicken) and waffles and cereal. I even had a York peppermint patty which is the first "bad" thing I have had in about 5 weeks. It was pretty freakin amazing!! :) But, eating is getting a lot better. Now I just need to get back to the gym so I don't gain the weight back.

Oh, and as far as how I look.. I am still not sure it's changing much. I think it may be a little less swollen than back on Monday. When I look in the mirror, I don't think it looks too bad, but then again, pictures are a different story. But at this point, I have learned that nobody else really cares and I am just going to stop thinking about it and give it the full 4 months and see how it looks after that. Oh, and I almost forgot, I went to see the ortho on Thursday as well. I will save that for the next post though since it is late and this one has dragged on. I will say that it went really really well though.

Talk to you all soon. Hopefully before Christmas, but if not, I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas!! :)

Bad Blogger (Day 25)

Sorry I have been so bad about blogging. Since I last wrote, I went in to see my surgeon for my two week follow-up. I don't know if I mentioned in my previous post (it actually may have happened right after I wrote), but I slipped on the stairs (probably b/c I was wearing my super comfy fuzzy socks) and kinda-sorta fell. I didn't fall all the way and hit my face (thank God!), but the strangest thing happened.. Keep in mind, this was when my mouth was completely banded shut and I could not open it, even the slightest. But somehow when I fell, my lower jaw opened up and snapped back shut (I still have no clue how that happened when they were sooo tightly shut). It was so bad that a rubberband completely snapped. It hurt pretty bad too. So I got all upset of course (I have been pretty emotional at times during this whole process) and was convinced at first that I messed something up. Well, I finally calmed down and realized I was seeing the doctor soon, so he could take a look.

So one of the first things the doctor did at this visit was to take an x-ray to make sure everything was still ok. Everything turned out to be fine and he was still very pleased with how everything was progressing. He reassured me again that the swelling is still going to go down. And I had it wrong in my last post... He had said that after two weeks approx 80% of the swelling is gone and that the remaining 20% can take as long as 3-4 months to completely go away. I have to say that did make me feel quite a bit better. And then, the best part of all, he took off those horrible bands that were holding my mouth completely shut. He said he still wanted to keep the splint in since, at that point, I was finally fitting into it correctly. And he put on much looser bands and said I could take these off to brush and eat. Man, it was sooo nice being able to open my mouth after all that time!! Funny thing was, I was so used to not opening it at all, it took me awhile to get used to opening it again. For a while, I would still just keep talking with my mouth closed. It was strange.

Since the day started out nicely, I decided to visit my "mother-in-law" (that's what me, my mom, and my "mother-in-law" call her since I have been with her son for 8 years now) :) It was really nice to see her and she told me I looked a lot skinnier and that she thought I was doing a really great job with talking and everything. Basically she made me feel really good. So then me and my mom went home and decided we were going to end out the day by going to the movies. We were dying to see the Blind Side b/c Michael Oher is a Raven (my team!!) and it just looked like a really good movie. So, I really had been doing pretty good with food up until that point (as far as not craving real food like crazy), but MAN, the smell of that popcorn and everything else was almost too much to bear. But, overall, it was a good day.

So, the following Thursday (3 days later) we decided I should try to get up and move around again so my mom and I went to the movies (again, I know) and this time we saw New Moon (I love the Twilight books, but agree with Stephanie, the movies aren't quite as great). So, the movie went well. Then we decided to go get our nails done at the place I always go. So, as soon as I walk in, the owner (who knows me by name) looks at me strangely and I knew immediately that she could tell something is wrong with my face. And even if I couldn't, she then says (with a very concerned/upset look on her face) "What is wrong?!". So, I told her all about the surgery and everything and she asked me how long ago it was. I told her just over two weeks. And she was like "Wow, it's still that bad after two weeks?". Man, did that make me feel not-so-good. I mean, I know her english isn't all that great and I am sure she didn't realize how major of a surgery this was, but it still sucked. I guess I thought that even though I thought it looked kinda bad still that maybe other people wouldn't really notice. Guess I was wrong.

So, anyway, since then (it's now a little over a week later), the only thing that has really changed is how I feel from day to day about my face. I swear I can't tell anymore if it is even changing. Some days, I feel pretty darn good about it, but then by the end of the day or the next morning, I think it looks terrible again. I still am not convinced that it's ever going to go away. And I still wonder if this is just my "new" face. But my mom and those close to me insist it is still swelling. My face looks puffy, not just like the bones have moved. And I guess I should have a little more faith in what the doctors say, huh? It's just very hard sometimes. I mean, I love that it seems that my teeth come together now (sorta still hard to tell how everything will truly feel with this darn splint in) and I love that my chin does not stick out nearly as far as it used to (good job on the genioplasty from what I can tell so far!!). But, my lower jaw area just still looks so darn big, although I think overall it does seem a little better than a week ago. Oh well, I guess all I can do is be patient at this point.

So finally, I have another appointment coming up on Monday. My doctor had said that he would take out my splint at this 4 week appointment. Only problem is, he had a family emergency and had to go back to England for a little while.. so I am hoping like crazy the main resident (who I have seen just as much if not more than my main doctor) will still take it out. I don't want to go back to work with this thing in. :( I guess we'll see. I will update this more after that appointment and I swear at some point I will get all those pictures added in. They are still on my Mom's camera. Oh, and I am up to 18 pounds lost in total!! YAY!

Oh, and here is the picture of my "new jaw". The plate and screws are pretty cool, I think. :)