Bad Blogger (Day 25)

Sorry I have been so bad about blogging. Since I last wrote, I went in to see my surgeon for my two week follow-up. I don't know if I mentioned in my previous post (it actually may have happened right after I wrote), but I slipped on the stairs (probably b/c I was wearing my super comfy fuzzy socks) and kinda-sorta fell. I didn't fall all the way and hit my face (thank God!), but the strangest thing happened.. Keep in mind, this was when my mouth was completely banded shut and I could not open it, even the slightest. But somehow when I fell, my lower jaw opened up and snapped back shut (I still have no clue how that happened when they were sooo tightly shut). It was so bad that a rubberband completely snapped. It hurt pretty bad too. So I got all upset of course (I have been pretty emotional at times during this whole process) and was convinced at first that I messed something up. Well, I finally calmed down and realized I was seeing the doctor soon, so he could take a look.

So one of the first things the doctor did at this visit was to take an x-ray to make sure everything was still ok. Everything turned out to be fine and he was still very pleased with how everything was progressing. He reassured me again that the swelling is still going to go down. And I had it wrong in my last post... He had said that after two weeks approx 80% of the swelling is gone and that the remaining 20% can take as long as 3-4 months to completely go away. I have to say that did make me feel quite a bit better. And then, the best part of all, he took off those horrible bands that were holding my mouth completely shut. He said he still wanted to keep the splint in since, at that point, I was finally fitting into it correctly. And he put on much looser bands and said I could take these off to brush and eat. Man, it was sooo nice being able to open my mouth after all that time!! Funny thing was, I was so used to not opening it at all, it took me awhile to get used to opening it again. For a while, I would still just keep talking with my mouth closed. It was strange.

Since the day started out nicely, I decided to visit my "mother-in-law" (that's what me, my mom, and my "mother-in-law" call her since I have been with her son for 8 years now) :) It was really nice to see her and she told me I looked a lot skinnier and that she thought I was doing a really great job with talking and everything. Basically she made me feel really good. So then me and my mom went home and decided we were going to end out the day by going to the movies. We were dying to see the Blind Side b/c Michael Oher is a Raven (my team!!) and it just looked like a really good movie. So, I really had been doing pretty good with food up until that point (as far as not craving real food like crazy), but MAN, the smell of that popcorn and everything else was almost too much to bear. But, overall, it was a good day.

So, the following Thursday (3 days later) we decided I should try to get up and move around again so my mom and I went to the movies (again, I know) and this time we saw New Moon (I love the Twilight books, but agree with Stephanie, the movies aren't quite as great). So, the movie went well. Then we decided to go get our nails done at the place I always go. So, as soon as I walk in, the owner (who knows me by name) looks at me strangely and I knew immediately that she could tell something is wrong with my face. And even if I couldn't, she then says (with a very concerned/upset look on her face) "What is wrong?!". So, I told her all about the surgery and everything and she asked me how long ago it was. I told her just over two weeks. And she was like "Wow, it's still that bad after two weeks?". Man, did that make me feel not-so-good. I mean, I know her english isn't all that great and I am sure she didn't realize how major of a surgery this was, but it still sucked. I guess I thought that even though I thought it looked kinda bad still that maybe other people wouldn't really notice. Guess I was wrong.

So, anyway, since then (it's now a little over a week later), the only thing that has really changed is how I feel from day to day about my face. I swear I can't tell anymore if it is even changing. Some days, I feel pretty darn good about it, but then by the end of the day or the next morning, I think it looks terrible again. I still am not convinced that it's ever going to go away. And I still wonder if this is just my "new" face. But my mom and those close to me insist it is still swelling. My face looks puffy, not just like the bones have moved. And I guess I should have a little more faith in what the doctors say, huh? It's just very hard sometimes. I mean, I love that it seems that my teeth come together now (sorta still hard to tell how everything will truly feel with this darn splint in) and I love that my chin does not stick out nearly as far as it used to (good job on the genioplasty from what I can tell so far!!). But, my lower jaw area just still looks so darn big, although I think overall it does seem a little better than a week ago. Oh well, I guess all I can do is be patient at this point.

So finally, I have another appointment coming up on Monday. My doctor had said that he would take out my splint at this 4 week appointment. Only problem is, he had a family emergency and had to go back to England for a little while.. so I am hoping like crazy the main resident (who I have seen just as much if not more than my main doctor) will still take it out. I don't want to go back to work with this thing in. :( I guess we'll see. I will update this more after that appointment and I swear at some point I will get all those pictures added in. They are still on my Mom's camera. Oh, and I am up to 18 pounds lost in total!! YAY!

Oh, and here is the picture of my "new jaw". The plate and screws are pretty cool, I think. :)

Starting to Feel a Little Better (Day 11)

So, today was the first time since surgery that I have been up and moving around most of the day. I have been "living" downstairs in my basement since the surgery. I sleep on the one couch and my Mom sleeps on the other. This has been working out pretty nicely b/c I don't disturb my boyfriend that way and it's actually easier to prop myself up to sleep on the couch than in my bed. (I tried my bed one night and woke up constantly feeling panicky). The sleeping has been getting better and I think last night was the first night I slept thru the night. We didn't go to sleep until about 2 or 2:30 and my Mom didn't wake me up until 12 (noon)! I was kinda upset she let me sleep that late (it's really dark in my basement so I guess that's why I didn't wake up) but maybe I just really needed the rest.
I have also been able to cut back on the pain killer (Roxicet). I was taking it every 4 hours at first and then have gradually been cutting back. Yesterday I didn't take anything the whole day and then I took some last night, slept for 10 hours and haven't taken anything since. I think I am going to keep taking it at night for a little while though b/c it definitely helps me sleep. On a side note, when I went in to see the surgeon this past Mon, he asked me if I had been taking Ibuprofen. I said no. And he said he wanted me to add that in between the Roxicet doses every 6 - 8 hours. I did not say anything about the pain being too much or the Roxicet not working enough so I am thinking he wanted me to take it for another reason. Do you all know if Ibuprofen helps to reduce swelling? That's the only thing I can think. So, I have been taking that once a day as well (I didn't want to overdo it).
But anyway, back to the point of the post. I don't know if I have mentioned before that my boyfriend is a total neatfreak. So needless to say, with my medicines, syringes, drinks, toiletries, etc that had all started taking over the basement table and other parts of the basement, I think he was about to have a panic attack. He handled it pretty well for quite a while and did his best to ignore it, but I think yesterday it was starting to get to him. And honestly it was starting to bother me too. Besides, it was my jaw that was broken, not my legs or arms. I think I started to realize that I needed to move around a little more and do a little more. So, I finally got myself up and cleaned up everything and organized the stuff I would still need out into a container. Everything else I put away. Then I vacuumed and dusted and that room is now cleaner than before the surgery. :)
But, my point is I think it was really helpful to get up and move around. It is hard b/c I don't want to leave the house (still feel too swollen) and there's not a ton to do around the house, but I think just laying around and sleeping is not helping me to heal any faster. Oh, and my Mom and I did play Wii two days ago as well. I think just a little bit of activity really helps. It seems like today is the first day where I have felt like the swelling is finally starting to look a little better. I have to be honest, I have been pretty panicky, saying crazy things to my Mom like "What if this is what my face is just going to look like? What if this swelling isn't going to go away anymore?". And of course she tells me I am crazy and asks me if I think it makes sense that I would have a "skinny" face before surgery and then all of a sudden a "fat" face afterwards? To which she answers herself "It's SWELLING!! It WILL go away and you need to stop panicking." I know she is right. But it is just scary. I think I keep focusing on the fact that they said in two weeks 90% (I think) of the swelling will be gone. So, I keep thiking of it like a countdown.. like now, I only have 3 - 4 more days for it to go away. What if it doesn't?!?! But, like I said, it did seem to be a fairly noticeable difference today and then looking at pictures a few days ago so hopefully in a few more days it will be a lot better. Did any of you have these fears too?
Well, I have taken pictures of myself every day, and I wanted to put them on this post, but they are on my Mom's camera and she just went out with my dad to a basketball game for a few hours so it will have to wait till next time. Then maybe you all can tell me your thoughts on my swelling.
Oh, and finally, I was all pumped up about the fact that I lost 10 pounds in like the first 6 days, but I haven't lost even a tenth of a pound since and all I have had is liquid. Did this happen to any of you? I would really like to lose at least 10 more pounds and was hoping I would on this liquid diet. I just don't know how it is physically possible not to be losing weight when I am probably taking in less than 800 calories a day. Maybe me being active lately will start to help with that. Ok, well it is time to sign off now. I am seeing the surgeon on Monday so if I don't write before then, I will definitely try to write an update after that appointment. Talk to you soon!!

Could Definitely Feel Better (Day 7?)

So, I am now not sure if today should be Day 7 or Day 6 (I am not sure if surgery day, Tue, should be day 1 or if Wed really should have been), but I guess it really doesn't matter much. I guess I'll stick with Day 7 to be consistent. So, anyway, today I went to see the surgeon for my first real post-op visit (I did see him a few times in the hospital after the surgery as well) and it was really nice to finally get out of the house (even though it was rainy and miserable). So, I don't think I mentioned that on Days 5 and 6 three of my four rubberbands snapped. I didn't bother trying to put them back on since I was seeing the Dr today, but mainly b/c it felt so nice to have them off. Well, the surgeon said everything was looking really good, but I was still not fitting into my splint properly. :( So, he once again pushed on my jaw like crazy and I had felt like I had to push my jaw so far forward to get it to fit. He put so many rubberbands on and they are sooo tight that now I cannot open my mouth at all. I am extremely frustrated and actually got upset once the doctor left the office. And trust me, its just not good to get upset, everything starts to get swollen and congested. So, I am glad I was able to calm myself down pretty quickly. But, I did talk to him about how I have been kinda panicky at night. I have been able to breathe thru my nose (have gotten a tiny bit congested) but I think I am just so scared that I am going to wake up in a panic b/c I can't breathe. This leads me to not sleeping much thru the night (in addition to not being able to get comfortable). He prescribed me some valium to take at night. I am hoping this will really help, especially now that I really can't breathe thru my mouth hardly at all.
I guess my biggest question is did anyone else have a splint and their mouth banded shut this tight? I know I shouldn't second guess and they know what they are doing (I mean this is all they do), but I just can't help it. I am also feeling like my swelling looks so bad. I looked back at a lot of peoples pictures and I feel like I am not making as much progress. And at first I thought I wasn't as bad as most were. I also just feel like my bottom jaw area looks too far forward. I guess I just need to calm myself down and realize that they know what they are doing. For god's sake, they are cosmetic surgeons as well. And I am still very swollen on the bottom whereas my top jaw is not swollen at all (b/c i only had the bottom jaw done) so I think this is making it look VERY out of balance. But, it is hard to not worry. I mean, this is my face! Well, with all that said, I am not going to post pictures just yet of how I am looking with the bandages off. Maybe I will feel more up to it later.
Oh, I guess the one good thing is that it sounds like it is a very strong possibility that the splint will come out when I see the Dr in one week. I think that hope is what will get me thru this next week. In addition, I just like seeing the Dr really often b/c it just makes me feel better when they say everything looks good and everything is just as it should be.
Well, I think I will leave it at that for now. Hoping to feel a little less depressed tomorrow.

Days 1 - 4

Sorry I didn't update yesterday. I just never really felt quite up to it. I am glad to be home for sure, but it also gets pretty boring pretty quickly. I do feel like today (day 4) has been a little bit better. I think I have been doing pretty good with getting the liquids in. I was told to stay on clear liquids only (gatorade, apple juice, chicken broth, etc) for three days. I think after I write this blog I am going to attempt my first non-clear liquid - Ensure. I have always loved chocolate milk and shakes so I think it will be a nice change, not to mention, provide some much needed vitamins and protein. I, like so many others, have not been dying to have food though. I think for the first few days you are just more worried about how to feel the least discomfort as possible. It definitely sucks to have your mouth banded shut (although I can open my mouth a little) and the splint really sucks. I just feel like I have so much spit that builds up in my mouth that I can barely breathe thru my mouth. I can definitely say I am SOOOO glad I did not have the nose done at the same time. I think I would feel like I was suffocating. This is definitley enough to handle at once. I think once I found out I was only having the lower jaw and genioplasty that I thought I wouldn't be too bad. So, I am a little surprised at how hard it has been. The pain hasn't been terrible, just the discomfort of it all. I would love to just be able to open my mouth and be able to talk. By the way, if the splint and/or bands stay in for 4 weeks, are you ever really able to talk that well? That will be pretty frustrating. But, honestly, I feel a little better today and am hoping to take a nice bath. I am posting pictures from Days 1 -3 but I don't think I am going to post a pic from today (at least not yet). I don't notice too much of a change (maybe the swelling has gone down a little), but my hair is just too nasty for a picture. haha And since I have such long thick hair, I don't know if I am going to have the energy to do that today. But, I am sure I will definitely feel better after the bath at least. Oh, and I do think I have been doing a pretty good job with the salt water rinse (3 times a day), the mouthwash (twice a day) and brushing my teeth. I know some people said they had a lot of trouble with that. I have not been great at it but able to get the rinse in my mouth and swish it around just a little. And I am only able to brush the front teeth a little but I was happy to be able to do that at all. Thank god for that little tiny baby toothbrush. But, all I can do is get the liquids thru a syringe at this point. I am not sure when I will be able to use a cup or spoon. When were you guys able to progress to that stage? Oh, and I do feel like a little baby (another orthoblogger had said that, I don't remember who). My mom basically has had to help me with every little thing. Thank god for her being here 24/7. Oh, and I have found the most difficult part to definitely be nighttime. Does anyone else agree? The first night home was horrible. I could not get comfortable at all and didn't sleep very much. The second night (last night) was definitely better. But, I am hoping at this point each day will start to get better and better. I got a lot of flowers from family/friends which definitely cheered me up some. And all the support has really helped. I hope all of you going thru this now are doing well. I guess I have learned to just take it day by day (and hope those days go fast!!) :) I will try to update tomorrow, but for now, here are some pictures. They are pretty hideous - no makeup, dirty hair, etc - but I guess that's to be expected, huh? :) I definitely swelled, but I think it could have been worse. Also, the first one is day one and the rest are labeled. Well, I'll talk to you all soon!

Very Quick Update

Just wanted to let everyone know that I am still alive. :) I just got home from the hospital, thank god. It just seems like everything takes forever and I feel like the nurses didn't check in on me enough. I got pretty frustrated and upset a couple times. Oh, and when I first woke up after the surgery, I did not have any bands on which was nice. But then when the surgeon checked me out the next morning he said I was not fitting in to the splint correctly. So, they had to put on the bands, which they didn't get right the first time so I had to get it done a second time. Both times hurt pretty bad b/c they were pushing on my jaw and had to pull my mouth open pretty far. And now, my jaws are really tight together which sucks since I had gotten used to having my mouth open. But, at least my nose is clear, thank god (knock on wood). Well, I am still pretty out of it so I will wrap it up now and I will try to write more tomorrow. I did take pictures in the hospital which I will post as well. Thanks to everyone for your well wishes!!

Tomorrow's the Big Day!!

Wow, so I can't believe after about 2 years of waiting that the day is finally here. I think I am as prepared as I will ever be (got most of the supplies I talked about getting). I haven't decided 100% on the nose surgery yet, but I want to review the CT scan with Dr. W. tomorrow and see what he has to say first. I am very much leaning toward not getting it done. I consider myself to be pretty brave and tough, but that might just be a little bit too much. I guess you will all have to wait a couple days to see what I decided. :) I will not have a laptop in the hospital but I am only supposed to be there for one night so I am hoping to post something by Wed night. I definitely started to get nervous last night and even more so throughout today, but I think I am finally fairly calm and just want to get it over and done with and start on the road to recovery. Well, I will see you all "on the other side" and will try to post soon!! :)

Decisions, Decisions.. Ugh..

So, as I mentioned in my previous post, I met with the surgeon last Monday. (This is a very silly side note, but so far, I have met two residents that will be assisting with the surgery and they were both HOT! Damn! I am sure they will be very turned on not only by my no makeup/scary look, but by my huge swollen face, etc. haha I don't care in all honesty, but it does give me something nice to look at) :)
Anyway, back to the issue(s) at hand. So, I met with the surgeon and he introduced me to the hot resident Dr. Q. (Apparently Dr. Q has been doing/assisting with these surgeries for 6 years now and about to finish his residency and go into plastic surgery). Dr. W (my surgeon) wanted Dr. Q to look over everything (final measurements, xrays, molds, me) and make his own analysis before they consulted together. Dr. W (two weeks prior) had told me that I definitely need surgery on the bottom jaw and probably surgery on the top jaw as well. The surgery on the top jaw would have been minor movements (2 mms or so) and it would be to fix the midline (that was only 1 mm) fix the cant and bring it forward 2 mms. So anyway, Dr. Q did his analysis and said in his opinion he obviously agrees on the bottom jaw (bringing it forward and fixing the "crookedness"), but he thinks I need genioplasty as well. I completely agreed with this as my chin definitely sticks out way too much (and will only stick out more when they move the jaw forward). And finally, although he agreed that my top jaw is "off" in the ways Dr. W noted, he basically said he does not think all the added risks and work that would come with doing the top jaw would be worth it when it would be such little movements. He said I would not even notice the difference.
So, Dr. W and him consulted with each other and they both came back in to discuss everything with me. We all agreed right then that I would definitley have lower jaw surgery and the genioplasty. But, he said the upper jaw would be up to me. (And let me tell you, I cannot even make the simplest decisions, like what to have at a restaurant, so both my mom and I knew right then this would be trouble). He went on to say, that he could do the top jaw if I wanted b/c there were definite issues (although very minor) with it, but he restated that the top jaw is a lot riskier than the bottom and when talking about 2 mm it would not be a noticeable change. So they told me to sleep on it and let them know my decision.
Needless to say, I did not "sleep" on it, I tossed and turned the whole night. I must have changed my mind a million times, knowing that I am a perfectionist and knowing that I am going thru all this anyway, so why not just do it all and get it 100% right? But, then the more rational part of me would realize that it is not worth all that extra risk for a change that won't even be noticeable. AND Dr. W did tell me that functional-wise, it would be 100% even with just the lower jaw. And that is what was really important. So, after 3 long days and meeting with my ortho for over an hour (who basically told me the same thing - not worth it), I finally decided to just have the lower jaw and genioplasty. I am relieved in some ways that it will be a lot less surgery and hopefully a little better recovery, but I still keep second guessing my decision. :( I just hope I don't feel dissapointed afterwards that I didn't fix everything to perfection. But, I think overall I am happy and content with the decision.
And if all that weren't enough, when I spoke to my Dr. to let him know my decision, he asked me if I had decided about the surgery on my nose. I had kind of forgotten about this with everything else going on, but at our first meeting I talked to him about how I have a lot of trouble breathing thru my nose, especially on the left side. He told me he could do a procedure to widen my nostrils and to fix my deivated septum. He said he could do this at the same time as my jaw surgery in my case (Depending on the case, sometimes he will not do that at the same time). I would really like to get that done b/c I think a lot of my problems (mouth breathing, previous open bite, etc) are due to my nose and sinus problems. But, he told me there would be packing up my nose for 4 days (i.e. I wouldn't be able to breathe thru my nose AT ALL - Um, scary!) and that it is very uncomfortable when they are taken out. Well, I researched that a little and read some very scary stories, including some people saying that having the packing pulled out was the worst pain they have ever felt in their lives. So, that is where I am at right now. I still have to decide about the nose. If anyone has any experience with this, especially alongside having the jaw surgery, please let me know. Even though I think it would make a huge positive impact on my life (I barely even breathe thru my nose now), I think it might just be too much all at once.
Well, I can't beleive it's only a week and a day away. I feel like I am actually starting to get more calm about the whole thing. I am ready to just have it all over with at this point. Oh, and if anyone has any recommendations on food they ate or specific recipes, I would greatly appreciate it! (All I have is Ensure so far - bad, I know). I will be on here again soon, I am sure.